By Mike-the-Pharmacist
Today was our 14th Wedding Anniversary. I planned reservations at Texas De Brazil and a nice atmosphere where we had celebrated a few years ago. Instead it was another one of those days with 5 children, a long day with home school and car repairs and life, and we instead settled for a quick take out from Red Robin. The kind that you call in and the switchboard Red Robinette over in Corporate Land tells you to expect just a 20 minute wait, and you are sitting in the car for at least an hour trying to flag down the staff as they look for your car.
It was in that hour wait that I thought of a life lesson to share with folks. Note that was before I took a bite of my NOT PINK burger with an overcooked rubbery slice of fried provolone. It was the Mad Love Burger. Maybe that is the theme of this years Anniversary. Perfect for celebrating one in 2020 with style.
Notice I said the burger didn’t have any pink in it. I ordered it with PINK. To the Red Robinette girl over in Coropate Land. But at that point, it was an hour. I was not going to wait another hour. And risk another Pinkless burger. Or a disgruntled cook remaking my burger.
When you start sharing life lessons to try and help people, it can get exciting how they start to show up when you least expect them. And it’s not a show off moment, it’s not a “wow, let’s all be impressed with MIKE.” It’s from the pain of life, the rejections. The challenges. The times I wanted to quit. The hours and hours writing and helping people and pouring your heart out and using your talent to write, and yet your wife shows you Instragram folks who do videos on remodeling or protein shakes or their trip to Wyoming or raising chickens and they have 230,000 followers and are buying a brand new house and getting most of it free because they can share it to their 232,438 viewers. Who just added those 2,438 more viewers in the time I wrote this intro by the way.
Life doesn’t seem fair for a lot of us. We built a brand new home after having 7 of us squeezed into a 1,000 square foot ranch for 10 years. At times we would have 25 cousins over. It was a lot like raising chickens. At times we had family staying over. The kind that were with child and we were having lots of experience at times feeling like you were running a day care center and nursery ward. It was a lot like raising chickens. We helped a whole bunch of people along the way, got a small inheritance, and I decided to reward my wife with a customized house with a furnished basement, enough rooms for all the kids, room for 25 cousins, and room for chickens. We settled for cats and parakeets. But we did have a bunny for a while. And we have 2 dogs too.
One month after we moved into our dream home, the pharmacy I helped open – one that was growing – suddenly closed. The owners pulled the plug on the operation because two medical offices in the plaza announced they were leaving.
It’s been 3 years since of craziness. I jumped into an indepedent – brought over business and was 80% of their Prescriptions a few months in. Yet they were running low on money so the owner closed her other pharmacy, came to the new one to work and merge in all the customers, and laid most of us off. I jumped into K-Mart, and they all closed. I found a temp job calling Medicare patients and doing MTM consults, calling dozens and dozens of customers a day without fear. Now I am still terrified to make cold calls to build a business from my basement. Later I jumped in to help a doctor friend and I was doing the work of a PA pretty much and helping do the Suboxone clinic and addiction counseling, doing med reviews and more. After a few months the doctor had to take a leave and I was again looking for something. I partnered with a local compounder of quality CBD cream and CBD oils and was going to help market it for the owner and we were hammering out a plan to bring it to doctors and I would help make it as well. Tragically, the owner died of a brief illness just as COVID was becoming a known threat. His was from pneumonia, but he was younger than me, in far better shape, and it sent shock waves through the community. My wife had to quit her part time jobs after COVID hit to take care of the kids as they now had to be home schooled. That was a full time job.
I say all that not to bellyache – but to share the pain, the struggles that not just had affected me but others – COVID has affected the world. The Pharmacy owner’s death affected a whole town. My wife’s leaving her job was hard because she was a caregiver doing home health care and helping people on a regular basis. Life can be cruel, harsh, difficult, and it seems like it isn’t going to get easier. 2021 may be looking at 2020 and laughing right now- we don’t know.
What does this have to do with burgers?
I remember when I would go to Red Robin early on. The waitress would come to you and ask how you wanted your burger. Pink – or NO PINK. Pink meant medium rare-ish, maybe medium. Or as Gordon Ramsey says, “MEED-YUM.” No Pink meant well done. Brown through out. Dry. Dull. Not juicy. NO PINK.
Well, the first few times I would order, say PINK, maybe emphasize it, say it multiple times. Maybe be silly and say Pinkitty PINK PINK PINK. Say it politely but convey the seriousness that this was a non negotiable expectation for this burger. Have the waitress repeat this special command like I was a Navy Seal bringing top secret information back to the Commanding Officer. She would repeat she heard it. It was very clearly written on her note pad. I checked to be sure.
And sure enough, that burger would be brought to the table, and I would take a huge bite of my burger. And there was….drumroll……NO PINK. None. Not a hint. Not any indication this used to be raw hamburger. Nothing. Like she didn’t hear me. Like she was insulted by my request and instead of a nice tip, she wanted the vindication of telling the head cook to make it was charred and hocky-puckesque as possible.
And the first few times it happened, I would be kind and super sweet, but I would call her over, and just like Gordon Ramsey, but without the F bombs and without throwing the plate down and telling her it tasted like a dirty diaper, I would kindly explain how it was not cooked to my liking and it really was a disappointment, and I didn’t order a $14.99 signature burger to be able to just close my eyes and hope for the best.
And she would apologize, and offer to bring me a new one, and I would wait patiently for a brand new burger that actually was PINK and done perfectly. Which makes me wonder, if you pitch a royal fit at Burger King (or in France having a royal fit ordering a Roy-Al-With-cheese) would they actually remake you a burger that actually resembles the burger you see pictured on their Mini-Jumbo-Tron Menu?
Here’s my point. As time passed, did my burgers get any pinker? No. At times they would get it right, but mostly they were over cooked. But I stopped complaining. I settled for mediocrity. I settled for substandard. It wasn’t worth the fight.
I gave up expecting what I wanted, how I wanted it. I settled for whatever the Red Robin wanted to bring me. Overcooked, dry as the Sahara, flame charred? I would eat it and not complain. Heck, there are plenty of people in China who never heard of Red Robin. They mix up my order and bring me their kids mac n’ cheese and mini corn dogs by mistake? If I complained, there was no point.
And that is how life feels a lot of the time. We settle for whatever life throws at us — we stop insisting it gets handed to us like we want. We let those in charge bully us and push us around because we are scared by speaking up the next response will be worse.
We seem to now just give up on those special orders and settle for mediocrity. A bad boss. A bad work situation. A bad government regime with no relief in sight.
Where is the PINKLESS SETTLING IN YOUR LIFE? Maybe the marriage needs repair and you feel like roomates, but settling feels ok because it’s not worth the work it would take to fix it. Maybe you are battling addictions but you can go 3-4 months without a relapse and that is about as long as you can go because the pain won’t go away. It’s easier to settle for half recovery than face the pain. Maybe it’s not trying anything new because you have been in your rut so long that it’s better to stay there than have to learn something you might not be great at – at least initially.
I have been a pharmacist for almost 20 years. It is very comfortable checking scripts and filling scripts and counting pills and pouring them into little bottles. The job market has dried up considerably, but it’s easier to settle for what I can find instead of making radical changes that involve having to ask people for help.
When you are used to being the one to offer help, it can be difficult to be the one in need. Especially when you see how many people weren’t there jumping at the chance to help the people you helped. And to hear the criticism for years later. You gave so-and-so all that money, and look at you – 10 years later you lost your job!! Serves you right! That is why I don’t give.
OK, thanks Aunt Karen, that is great advice I will be sure to remember the next time I find a time machine.
What else are you settling in? Where are you accepting a PINKLESS existence? Not getting through to your children because they won’t look up from their phones. Not starting that side hustle. Not jumping into that business because it’s too awkward to invite people to take a look at what you have.
By the way, I have some cool side businesses – would you be open to take a look at what I have??! IF not, no big deal.
IS it that hard to start asking for our “orders” to be more how we like them?
We don’t have to make all that many adjustments to stop settling for mediocrity. Where are you today when it comes to giving up on your request for a nice, juicy burger in life?