From Procrastinator to Productive: A Humorous Guide to Personal Development

by MikethePharmacist

Are you feeling stuck in a rut? I should say a RUT. Not a rut. It’s like a HUT. But with no exit door. And it’s concrete, not straw, dirt walls, or ice you can just break out of in a moment of panic trying to kick the walls down and escape.

Does the thought of personal development make you want to crawl back into bed and re-watch The Office for the umpteenth time? Fear not, my fellow procrastinators. With these simple but humorous tips, you’ll be on your way to achieving your goals and becoming the best version of yourself (or at least a slightly less mediocre version).

  1. Goal-setting: So you want to become a millionaire and retire on a private island? Great! Let’s start with something a little more attainable, like not hitting snooze on your alarm every morning. Start small and work your way up.
  2. Success mindset: Repeat after me: “I am a winner, not a whiner.” See? Now you’re halfway there. Don’t let setbacks get you down – embrace them as opportunities to learn and grow.
  3. Resilience: Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get (sorry, I had to). But in all seriousness, setbacks and disappointments are inevitable. The key is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward. And maybe eat some chocolate.
  4. Self-discipline: We’ve all been there – binge-watching Netflix instead of doing work, eating a whole pizza instead of going to the gym. But discipline is key to achieving our goals. So put down the remote and pick up the salad. Your future self will thank you.
  5. Time management: Time is money, honey. And we all know how much we love money (see goal-setting tip #1). Make a schedule, stick to it (for the most part), and watch your productivity soar.
  6. Perseverance: Quitting is not an option (unless it involves toxic relationships or a job that makes you miserable). Keep pushing through, even when things get tough. And remember, sometimes the journey is more important than the destination (just don’t tell your boss that when you miss a deadline).
  7. Mindfulness: Take a deep breath, and let your worries melt away (yeah, right). But seriously, take some time to be present in the moment, appreciate the little things, and not stress about the future or dwell on the past. (and seriously I read the BIBLE and Pray for a SOUND mind that isn’t freaked out by all the chaos, confusion, and overwhelming choices of this world)
  8. Productivity: Is it just me, or does the word “productivity” sound like something out of a sci-fi movie? But in all seriousness, being productive doesn’t have to be scary or overwhelming. With a little bit of humor and determination, you can conquer your goals and become the successful and productive person you always knew you could be. So go forth, my fellow procrastinators, and make it happen (after you finish binge-watching The Office, of course).